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Tuesday, December 14th, 2004
9:44 pm - hmm its prob been like a year...
well I dont know what I am gonna say b/c it has been so long, but hey I am sure aI will think of something....
Its finals week and that sux! I just have little motivation to study! Im gonna get a B no matter what so I figure Im not gonna try that hard! I have to get my tonsils and stuff out on the 29th, not excited about that either! well now for the good stuff...

I am happy!!!! Sure living at home blows! but there is nothing I can do about it til next year so I really shouldnt get so bent out of shape about it like I have been! But anyway, I dunno I really just wish Pat was home right now because I like him a whole bunch! He makes me really happy!! He is just the best guy I have ever met!! Sorry Dano you're a close second! Im sad Dano left today we had fun shopping...well I had fun shoppin he did other things! haha But yea I am lonely and want Pat to come keep me company!! lalalalallala I am so bored!!! Why isnt anyone home to play with me!!!!! Someone take my final tomorrow! Damn it!!! I have nothing to say my life is terribly boring I suppose! Not really I live life on the wild side!! HA! good one!
I love that this is Jibberish!! Wish it was Christmas today things would be alot better!! anyways thats enough I think! No one will read this anyways! ehhh peace

current mood: bitchy

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Wednesday, February 25th, 2004
11:03 pm - totally love this show!! I rock! and OAR is tomorrow!!
GUTS
You are GUTS. You love to be "xtreme"
and you love peril. You probably enjoy a good
sip of Gatorade now and then, too.


Which old school Nickelodeon show are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

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Wednesday, February 4th, 2004
11:40 pm - I call because I just need to feel you on the line...
So yesterday was my birthday...woohoo! Pretty shitty day overall! Most of my birthdays end up this way so I wasnt really all that surprised! But my Family got me good and surprised me at Angelas and gave me all my gifts and stuff so that was cool. Some not so cool stuff happened and made me upset but shit happens and its all good now! I had to work all day so that sucked too! but ooo well! As for everything else umm school is super hard this semester and just as much boring! I am so busy all the time I like dont have time to think! But when therapy ends I will be a lil less busy and will be able to chill for a while everyday which will be good and then maybe I can clean my room some time this century! I dunno I dunno otherwise things have been kinda lame! but the weekends are always a fun time! Esp. goin to Chinatown and then seeing a gang fight! haha and wow we smoke way too much sometimes! but its so damn fun! I cannot wait for this weekend it is much needed and will be a great time! my knee is getting so much better and I dont have to wear the brace nemore which is a plus! but i have to go read some crap! lata

current mood: drained

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Sunday, January 11th, 2004
10:22 pm - I really need to update more...I'm so lazy
so break ended up being fun for the most part...sure it was boring and lame at times, but at least everyone was home and things seemed a little normal to me again. I was finally comfortable and was having fun with all of my friends. I guess I can't let go of the past because I never want anything to change, but is that such a bad thing? I mean I have some really great friends, and an unbelievable boyfriend, all of which I met in high school and that I have had the time of my life with. Why would I want to change that? How much better can it honestly get?
The break ended with a bang indeed! I am very sad my great aunt ann died last week and I feel really bad for my mom, but I did not go to Kentucky for lots of reasons. I am glad I decided to party because ann was a party animal and would have wanted it that way, she was a real kick ass lady! Well, abotu 30 too many people came over on Friday and it was a real good party, I definately had a great time and Im pretty sure everyone else did too. There wasnt a lot of drama and it ended up working out. Saturday was fun too, gotta love staying up forever and slow dancing with my 2 favorite people in the whole wide world! Of course all weekend I cried like a 5 year old that everyone was leaving me again and that I would be all by my lonesome again. I cant help it I dont like to feel alone, its a definte weakness of mine. Fear has just overcome me lately and it is making me feel like everything is gonna change and Im kinda gonna be left out. Everyone is making all these great friends at school, and I just dont wanna be left behind in the dark I guess. I am pretty sure I know my good friends enough to know that wont happen but I dunno things happen that you just cant help. I am terrified of everything and nothing at all, it all makes sense in my head why I get so upset sometimes, and other times it makes no sense at all. I know everything is gonna be ok and whatever is gonna happen is gonna happen for a reason, but I guess it is the uncertainty of the unknown that makes me fearful. I just wish we could all live in this perfect world where I could see anyone I wanted whenever I wanted, and didnt have to wait til friday rolls around again. What if I need a hug on a tuesday? then what do I do? but I am lucky to have such understanding people in my life that will let me cry my eyes out like waterfalls and complain til my face turns blue and then when I am done they will make me laugh or give me a kiss and nothing in the whole world matters anymore because I know everything is gonna be alright.
I have come to terms with staying a JJC next year, its not by choice, but I do not really have any other options right now, I am obligated. Hopefully I will only be there for one more semester and then I can get up out of there. No big deal I suppose.
Angela is having complications with her pregnancy and it is really freaking me out. The baby is obviously going to be premature and thats not healthy for the baby or my sister. And shes everything to me so I dont know what I would do if something that bad would happen to her. I dont think I could handle it to be honest, I am not that strong of a person.
Well, that was longer than my last english paper, I just needed to get some things off my chest.

current mood: okay

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Saturday, December 6th, 2003
7:37 pm - Misery loves company...
turns out that statement really is true...being miserable alone is the worst feeling ever!!
The surgery well sucked to say the least! I threw up 8 times right when I got home from the hospital on Thursday, but at least I didnt have to spend the night? No, maybe I wouldnt have thrown up so many times if I did stay the night is more like it! Doctors are assholes...well surgeons that do surgery on my knee are assholes! The whole plan was to cut into the back of my leg to get the graft from the hammy but does he do that? No! I have to find the scar down the middle of my knee today to find that one out! I do not know what he did to me which is scarey! If he just would have discussed this with me or my mom after the surgery was over it would not be a problem, but it is a problem and I hate him! so now I will have scars I did not know about. But o well what can ya do? so I also have some machine that literally moves my leg for me which is cool I guess, except for the fact that I have to sit in it for 2 hours at a time 3 times a day! so it basically ruins my day! I have no one to talk to b/c the only people here are my parents and I can only talk to them so much before they get on my nerves or they just start yelling at me for no reason! I have watched more tv than I would ever like to in an eternity! I have no time to even sit and cry by myself b/c I am never alone my mom or dad are always within 5 feet of me! I know all I am doing is complaining but this is my hell! trapped inside of my house in pain, with only my parents, no friends, I cant move, I have no appetite, and I cant sleep! ughhh I whine like a 2 year old but I dont know what else to do! I have no one to whine to :-(

I wonder when this feeling will go away?
I need a hug

current mood: uncomfortable

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Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003
1:00 pm - Bye Bye Leg!
So this past week and a half was so rediculously fun! I finally had friends for more than 3 days! danos party was mega fun! then chilled all week...o yea and I bowled a 177 with 5 strikes in a row I rock! after that some bad things happen with some friends i will not name b/c if I do I will go on and on and make myself upset all over again! ughh I just want my best friends back is that so hard to ask for!?! then thanksgiving was yum yum and fun times! and then Danos Bday!! wooohooo! Im just gonna forget that I even worked that day b/c John Mayer was AMAZING!!! even though I had a heartattack b/c I dropped the tickets! but everything worked out and it was so much fun!! the rest of the night was rediculous also! haha wow ummm sunday my lil ryan got baptized and he was adorable! chilled @ kevins until like 6 or so then wait til pat and my sis left :-( yesterday I had to drive to ISU to give steph some stuff...long car ride with momma equals no fun! but thats ok tonight is my first practice with the lil girls! hopefully it will be ok! Im a lil nervous b/c what if Im a bad coach!? ehhh well they wont notice they are only 11! haha thursday I have surgery and I am nervous b/c they are goin to mess up and amputate my leg and then I will be a freak! I dont like surgery it is no fun! and I dont wanna wear that big ugly brace!!! ooo well Ill update on friday or so when I no longer have a leg

current mood: nervous

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Sunday, November 16th, 2003
11:35 pm - Maybe its too far away, or maybe Im just blind
So this weekend was absolutely awesome, well most of it! Friday was exciting got to see my girls! and watch jacs play then drank and smoked enough for 10 people in the smelly place! that was hilarious to say the least! then on saturday lounged like it was our job until it was time to get ready to drink more, well did other stuff too hehe! The went to Jacs game with the ladies after Sears got there! Iowa won FINALLY and then we started driving around like assholes looking for cameras, beer, an atm, and a party! we found all of the above and started drinkin with jacs and her bro then headed over to Davenport Ave for the most interesting evening Ive ever had. I was lisa from the LBC and I got to UCLA and play vball there! Lie more! haha so I was obvoiusly the coolest girl at the party and everyone wanted to talk to me, ok not everyone but my new friend Jed with Dreadlocks fell in love with me and I made him my beer bitch for the evening! he was awesome except for the part when he wanted to marry me thats when I was out! his hair was o so gross! yuck! but thats ok b/c some random bassett hound came to the party and made me evening! so me and Katie jumped in a random cab, got stuck in it, almost got puked on, and peed outside before seeing/fightin with danny olszta then finally going to bed at like 530! seemingly perfect evening...well I thought so until the morning and learned that everyone didnt have as great of a time as I did and that bummed me out! and now there is so much drama in the LBC its kinda hard being Snoop D-O-Double G!! I hope it all goes away soon! I got to think about some things today and I realized some stuff and what needs to happen and I think everything will happen the way it is supposed to so I am going to trust my judgement and hopefully I am right....but knowing me I am dead wrong!!! ooo well need sleep sooo badly! gnight!

current mood: confused

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Wednesday, November 5th, 2003
10:31 pm - have you ever made out in a dark hallway?
so so so things have been odd the past few days...dano chops off his hand, I havent talked to pat in daysss, and I have to figure out what classes to take next semester and i have no clue what Im supposed to take!! ooo well tho Ill just throw a scheduale together and see how that goes! my knee hurts a whole lot b/c stupid phil makes me run and fall off treadmills and climb like a million flights of stairs everyday stupid day! want to get surgery overwith! but more importantly want it to be thanksgiving! so I can eat and see john mayer! and for it to be Danos bday! oo and this weekend will be fun gettin to see jacs play and finally see kates! then goin to iowa the weekend after that!! woohoo! I just need to find time to do all the stupid homework I have next week that I should have been working on for days now! oo well tho thats the way it goes! so sleepy all the time too much work!! want my friends to come home or me go there! anything to get me out of this house for a lil while! ughhh things are not good right now! not bad but not good! I dont like it and I want a popsicle

current mood: blah

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Wednesday, October 29th, 2003
8:41 pm
passionate kiss



You Are a Passionate Kiss!


When you kiss, the world either stops or spins

At least for the minute that your lips are locked

No question about it, you tend to get carried away

It's no wonder your kissing often leads to other things :-)



What Type of Kiss Are You?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

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Thursday, October 23rd, 2003
8:34 am - you make me everything
wow havent written here in a bit...myyyy bad!! right dano?! haha but lets see all I do as of late is do homework and go to work and then the doctor! so my life is not all that exciting! but they showed me where all my scars will be after surgery and they arent as bad as I thought they would be so thats cool! but my knee hurts so much right now! wish it would just go away for a while! damn it! so I should be having surgery in about 3 weeks if Im lucky! I just want to get it all over with! work is stupid the people are cool but I would do rather be sleeping! haha Im a lazy one! But I am soooo glad I am done with all of my homework and papers and speeches for the week it is the best feeling!! today I have to go to therapy for the knee woohoo party! and then tomorrow goin to see my dano! then saturday I get to see my pat!! gonna be a great weekend I can already tell...I get to see my 2 fave people ever! but other than that nothings been goin on at all! I just be chillin!

current mood: content

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Friday, October 10th, 2003
10:22 am - And now I dream about it
soo Im just waiting for kevin and julie to come get me to go to Kentucky! fun times I suppose! but on the other hand I found out that I snapped my ACL in half! so yesterday was not such a fun time for me! well until Clark called and made my week about million times better! I miss that kid soooo much! our weekly talks are gonna come in handy thats for sure! Im pissed I wont see anyone this weekend :-( but I need to see my family so Im excited! my stupid 8am class got cancelled again today! I just wish they would tell us before we actually drove to school!! damn it! completely off the subject...I want my fleece blanket it got a lil cold and lonely last night

current mood: indifferent

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Monday, October 6th, 2003
10:33 pm - and the downfall pretty much continues...
sooo the worst imaginable news got alot worse as the past few weeks went on! finally got to play again! and I played surprisingly awesome which rocked of course! but then freak accident and I jump and completely blow out my knee! it hurt so bad I almost passed out! so now I walk like a complete idiot! but I finally got my MRI today and I will find out if I need surgery on Thurs! so hopefully they can fix whatever needs fixin then there was some other stuff goin on that was just fuckin with my head realllllly bad and I basically could not concentrate on anything else! but thank god that is all over b/c it was the worst feeling ever! Im also glad that I got it off my chest when I did b/c I think I woulda exploded!! but the weekend was super fun! wrigleyville was a fun time! especially the weirdos that spent like $40 buying me drinks! haha idiots! then stupid me thought it would be nice to dance with one of them b/c he did buy me like 3 drinks so we were just twirlin around and stuff and my knee like breaks again! thank god I was completely wasted or I definately woulda passed out! but Pat made me feel better! :-) and the old guy ran like across the bar! haha then the walk back was like forever! but funny! and the next day we all felt like shit! and of course we missed our train! but it was cool I could lay in that garden alllll day long! so things were seemingly better! then today my aunt norma died :-( she was the coolest old lady I knew! she could drink any guy under the table! she will be missed tons! so another downfall in the great month that has been my hell! but on the good side of things CUBS WIN!!! wooohooo gotta love them cubbies! this weekend I am going to Kentucky so hopefully it will be fun and not gloomy now that Norma passed away but Im sure Ill have a good time with the Billies! I always do! well I guess Ill go sleep all by my lonesome lil self damn it

current mood: blah

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Saturday, September 20th, 2003
12:35 am - Why did I think it would be different today?
I really thought today would turn things around, turn my crappy week into a great week! but no I cant play yet! maybe at all! I cant imagine worse news right now...All I wanna do is play

current mood: crushed

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Monday, September 15th, 2003
3:35 pm - I feel as empty as a drum
soo I finally feel better and this weekend was exactly what I needed! I had so much fun just hangin out with pat and I missed him so rediculously much that it was just good to finally see him! but then last night I had like a mental breakdown or sumthin once again! I cried and cried for no reason whatsoever! well no reason that I can pinpoint!...I think! Im not sure if I had too many things running thru my head at once, or if I just was sad that pat left, or if everything is starting to hit me again why I dont like being here all alone! and how much I miss pat and dano and just wish they would come back home or we could all go to the same place b/c this sux! but it will get better as I get more used to it I guess! and I hate not being able to play vball its driving me so crazy I cant take it! I wanna do somethign fun if at all possible this weekend! b/c I am so sick of not going out and i havent drank in like 2 weeks which just isnt right! so hopefully me and terry will go out drinkin tomorrow or sumthin! b/c the beer is just starting at me in my room beggin me to drink it! I dunno what to think anymore! but I just read an email that made my day about a million times better! and everwood starts tonight@!!!!

current mood: confused

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Saturday, September 6th, 2003
9:12 pm - Just when I thought it couldnt get any worse...
So turns up I have Mono! and Tonsilitis! awesome! I was in the hospital for like 6 hours yesterday hooked up to some stupid IV and gettin some shots of some type of drug and what not! Today I dont feel like dying like I did yesterday so I suppose Im better but not really! I missed the tournament this weekend and they did really good only lost one game! and I cant play for 3 weeks! I dont have 3 weeks to sit out! even when I can play I doubt she will play me b/c that is the type of coach that she is! so Im screwed! there goes the All American I was going for so I can get a scholarship and get out of here! but hey everything happens for a reason and maybe this was my sign telling me not to play vball anymore even tho it is killling me even thinkin of it! I am so sick of sittign in my house with nothing to do and no one to talk to! not that I would talk to me either b/c as of now Im such a downer! but damn it you would be too! and if I ever find out who gave me mono I swear to God they are gonna wish is having while I sit here on a saturday night watching trading spaces with my mom and wait for my soup to be done! one more can of soup and Im gonna throw up by the way! hahathey were never born! but anyways not being able to talk too much or anyone to talk to for that matter I have been thinking too much and making up things in my mind and wondering what a great time everyone else o well tomorrow is another day! and hopefully things will look up!

current mood: lonely

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Wednesday, September 3rd, 2003
9:22 pm - death by tonsilits...
so ya know the weekend was great I had an awesome surprise that completely made the weekend! had terrific food the entire time! played kick ass vball! got wasted and danced alot! and ANGELA IS HAVING A BABY!! (due on April Fools Day!) so cant complain right?? WRONG!!! note to self...when feeling ill do not make out with people who also feel ill! it only makes things worse! seemed like a good idea at the time i suppose! but now I sit here with the overall feeling of death surrounding me! I cant hear out of my left ear and both my ears are pounding! I have acute tonsilitis that makes me wanna committ suicide! and I have a huge tourney this weekend! awesome! I truly appreciate being heathly now and everyone who is do not take it for granted b/c out of nowhere it can be taken away! to all of you that I got sick I am sorry and go to the doc immediately b/c it only gets worse! shit will hit the fan if I have mono b/c then I cant play vball and then I wont be able to leave this shithole next year! although what seemed so bad last week is not too bad this week! now that my sis is home and I had friends for a few days things are seemingly getting better despite the fact that I want to chop off my head and get a new one! Im gonna have to get these puppies removed sooner or later but Im not a huge surgery fan so I will put that off as long as possible! so now I suppose I should go rest like I have been doing ALL day long! and hopefully the horsepills I got today will make me feel a lil better tomorrow!

current mood: sick

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Monday, August 25th, 2003
5:59 pm - There ya go...
soo school started today...blaaa wasnt too bad I suppose Johnnie Johnson ended up being a big huge black lady! haha right julz? she was cool tho! so hopefully my classes wont be too bad! but as far as the weekend went...GREAT TIMES!!! Im pissed I had to come home! ISU was a blast! and Im super happy I got to spend that much time with Pat b/c we needed it! I dont know if I have ever been so drunk off beer and of course my few ameretto shots that I wandered off to receive! haha Cleaning was fun for sure! Having Steph like tackle me and pour beer everywhere then watch Tony dance was all worth the trip! too much fun packed in to so few days! but so glad I went and cant wait to go back! or even just have them come home! b/c I miss them lots! Our first game is tomorrow and Im pretty excited to see how we do! Definately just got in a huge fight with my Dad in the middle of writing this and I dont know why I am still living here! Besides the food I cant take it! and I want Angela to come home from Cali so I can spend most of my time there! b/c I definately have no friends anymore! well I have a few but some key ones are missing! which sux ALOT!! some random black dude made me and 2 girls on team dinner tonight at the commons! it was so delicious and hilarious that we ate with them! he was all Im making some chicken and rice casserole if you guys wanna come over for dinner so we were all wet from swimmin in our spandex and tshirts and ate then left it was awesome! Im glad Im finally startin to get to know more of the girls than just steph even tho she rocks too! but my rediculous english teacher thought it would be funny to give us an essay so Im gonna go get that out of the way!

current mood: okay

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Sunday, August 17th, 2003
10:34 pm
LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:cercell55
Your haiku:i am i need some
f*ckin sleep...i mean i wanna
go to bed haha
Username:
Created by Grahame

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Friday, August 15th, 2003
6:28 pm - why is summer going byebye?
so this week flew by!! I cant believe its friday already! I cant believe pat already left me and that clark is leaving tomorrow! im sad! they are definately 2 of my favorite people ever and Im not gonna see them often anymore! damn it! umm weds was fun goin downtown and sneakin into some places! haha but sad all at the same time! vball is gettin less hard but just as frustrating as before! we play in some sort of lil tourney tomorrow so we will see how that goes then im goin to isu for the day on sunday with my mom to bring steph some stuff so that will be cool im sure! today my car ran out of gas and it was funny/embarassing! haha and i thought it broke down! im such an idiot! but for now I need to take a shower! hopefully tonight will be fun!

current mood: confused

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Sunday, August 10th, 2003
11:19 pm - nothing compares to you...
this weekend was so unbelievably awesome!! friday was fun went to dinner with the fam then back to angelas for drunken uno! haha then sat was John Mayer and Counting Crows!!! best concert of the summer for sure!! I loved it so much! Not myself was kickass! just wish he woulda played Neon! ooo well kinda sad its over now tho! then went to Dahlmans for some more drunken fun! great times there! kinda lost dano tho! then today went to the dunes with some folk got some sun had a great time and now Im goin to sleep b/c this weekend kicked my ass big time and I have vball tomorrow!

current mood: happy

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